How to Live Authentically: 7 Keys to Stop Pretending and Rediscover Your True Self
Tired of wearing masks? Discover how to shift from "constant adaptation" mode to "unapologetic authenticity" with a proven 7-step method. A personal account and practical guide for lasting transformation.
The Day I Decided to Stop Pretending
It was an ordinary Tuesday morning. I was sitting in my office, working on a project that would make me a lot of money. On paper, everything looked perfect. Yet, I felt like I was suffocating.
That's when I made a life-changing decision : I decided to stop pretending.
- Stop pretending I was excited about this project.
- Stop smiling when I didn't want to
- Stop saying "yes" when everything inside me was screaming "no"
This seemingly simple decision led me to something I never imagined: a completely different way of living my life .
Adaptation Mode vs. Authenticity Mode: The 2 Ways of Living
Imagine you've lived your entire life driving in first gear. You're moving forward, sure, but with effort, noise, and excessive fuel consumption. You can drive like this for a long time, but at the cost of premature engine wear.
One day, someone shows you that there are other gears. You shift into second gear: same power, less effort, more fluidity. The landscape doesn't change, but your relationship with the journey is completely transformed.
Coping Mode (How 87% of People Live)
What characterizes this mode:
- You change your behavior according to expectations
- You constantly seek the approval of others
- Your decisions are influenced by the fear of judgment
- You wear different masks depending on the situation.
- You function, but you don't really live.
What this causes:
- Chronic emotional fatigue
- Progressive loss of identity
- Superficial relationships
- Default decisions
Authenticity Mode (The Life You Deserve)
What characterizes this mode:
- Your choices reflect your deepest values
- You engage in what truly suits you
- You say "no" without feeling guilty, "yes" without betraying yourself.
- You express who you are rather than what is expected of you.
- You stop pretending... and everything changes
Concrete benefits:
- +150% available energy (less internal conflict)
- Natural trust (internal consistency)
- Authentic relationships (resonance attraction)
- Multiplied creativity (free expression)
The difference is not in the action, but in the intention. Not in the what, but in the why and how.
My Transformation Lab: 6 Months to Become Authentic
When I made the decision to stop pretending, I didn't know what I was getting into. I thought I was just saying "no" to a project that wasn't right for me.
In reality, I was inaugurating a personal transformation laboratory that would last six months and redefine my way of existing.
Phase 1: Freeing Yourself from the Need for Approval (Months 1-2)
The challenge: Freeing yourself from the constant need to please
My concrete actions:
- Saying "I don't know" when I didn't know, instead of making up an answer
- Refusing invitations that didn't inspire me
- Express my true preferences (even for simple things like choosing a restaurant)
- Stop automatically commenting on social media posts
Unexpected outcome: When I stopped feeding the character I thought I was, my authentic self finally had the space to emerge.
Personal measurement: -60% stress related to social interactions in 8 weeks.
Phase 2: Rediscovering my True “Yeses” (Months 3-4)
The challenge: Identify what really drives me
Once I was freed from my automatic "yeses," I was able to rediscover my authentic "yeses." I created what I now call my Personal Alignment Guide :
Alignment Guide Template (downloadable):
- ✅ Activities that give me energy (rather than taking it away)
- ✅ The people around whom I feel most like myself
- ✅ Projects that excite me (not those that "should")
- ✅ The important values on which I will no longer compromise
Key Point: Your true "yeses" aren't found by thinking, but by feeling. Your body always knows what nourishes you.
Phase 3: Application in Daily Life (Months 5-6)
The challenge: Integrate this new posture into all aspects of my life
Concrete transformations:
- Professional: Reorganizing my business around my values
- Relational: More real relationships (some deep, others naturally distant)
- Personal: Daily rituals that honor my inner nature
Final lesson: Authenticity isn't a destination; it's a way of traveling. It transforms everything it touches.
The four pillars of second gear
Through this transformation, I have identified four fundamental pillars:
1. Authenticity as a compass
In authenticity mode, every important decision starts with this question: "Does this sound like me?"
Not "Is it profitable?", "Is it reasonable?", "What will other people think?" But rather: "Does this honor who I really am?"
This simple question revolutionized my decision-making. It eliminated 80% of my hesitations and doubts.
2. Presence as fuel
In adaptation mode, we often operate on autopilot. In authenticity mode, each action becomes more conscious, more inhabited.
You no longer do things for the sake of doing them. You do them with intention, attention, and presence. This quality of presence transforms the very experience of living.
Concrete example: Drinking my coffee in the morning has become a ritual of presence rather than an automatic gesture. I savor, I feel, I connect with this moment. Five minutes that set the tone for my entire day.
3. Alignment as a criterion
The criterion is no longer "Can I?" but "Do I really want to?"
This question eliminated an impressive amount of activities that drained my energy without adding any real value to my life.
4. Integrity as a signature
In authenticity mode, your words, actions, and values align. You become consistent with yourself. This consistency generates natural strength and confidence.
You no longer need to remember what you said or promised to whom, because everything emanates from the same source: your authentic self.
Resistances (and how I got through them)
The transition to second gear is not a smooth ride. I encountered several significant obstacles:
Resistance 1: “Others will judge me”
The challenge: Stop modulating my behavior according to other people's expectations.
How I got through it: By realizing that those who judged me for my authenticity probably weren't my people. And that those who truly loved me supported me in this evolution.
Learning: Your authenticity is a natural filter. It keeps out those who don't match you and attracts those who resonate with who you are.
Resistance 2: "I will lose opportunities"
The challenge: Saying “no” to lucrative projects that didn’t align with me.
How I got through it: By realizing that saying "no" to bad opportunities freed up space for good ones. And most importantly, by realizing that my performance increased when I worked on projects I was truly passionate about.
Learning: The universe conspires for those who are clear about what they really want.
Resistance 3: "I don't know who I really am"
The challenge: Discovering my authentic identity after years of adaptation.
How I got through it: By stopping trying to define myself intellectually and starting to observe myself in action. When do I feel most alive? Most energized? Most myself?
Learning: Your authentic identity is not found by thinking, but by experiencing.
Resistance 4: "It's selfish"
The challenge: Managing the guilt of prioritizing my alignment.
How I got through it: By observing that the more aligned I was, the more energy and resources I had to serve others. Authenticity isn't selfish; it's ecological.
Learning: You can only give others what you have. If you betray yourself, you have nothing authentic to offer.
Concrete transformations of second speed
In work
Before (first gear): I accepted every project that came my way, for fear of missing out on opportunities.
After (second gear): I created my alignment criteria and only work with clients/projects that meet them. The result: fewer projects, but more impact, more satisfaction, and paradoxically... more revenue.
In relationships
Before: I modulated my personality according to people, seeking harmony at all costs.
After: I express who I truly am. Some relationships have deepened, others have drifted apart, new ones have emerged. But all are now authentic.
In daily habits
Before: My routines were dictated by productivity and optimization.
After: My rituals honor my true nature. They nourish me rather than drain me.
In decision making
Before: Endless analysis, search for the "perfect" decision, paralysis by analysis.
After: I consult my inner compass. Aligned decisions are made quickly and naturally.
How to tell if you're living in first or second gear
First speed signals:
- You often feel tired for no apparent physical reason.
- You hesitate for a long time before making important decisions.
- You often wonder, "What will other people think?"
- You feel like you play different roles depending on the context.
- You function more than you live
- You constantly seek external validation
Second speed signals:
- You have energy even when you're working hard
- Your decisions come naturally when they are aligned.
- You don't care (healthily) about other people's opinions
- You are the same person in every context
- You live more than you function
- Your validation comes from your inner alignment
Your personal diagnosis: The 3 circles test
Take a piece of paper and draw three circles that overlap slightly:
Circle 1: WHAT I DO (Your daily actions, your work, your projects) Circle 2: WHAT I WANT (Your deep desires, your authentic aspirations) Circle 3: WHAT I AM (Your essential nature, your values, your deep being)
- The area where the three meet = Your second active gear
- Partial overlap areas = Your transition spaces
- Isolated areas = Your friction points
The wider the intersection area, the more you live in second gear.
Rituals to activate your second gear
The daily check
Every morning, before checking your phone, ask yourself this question: "What really deserves my energy today?"
Listen to the answer that comes spontaneously. It's your compass.
The weekly alignment inventory
Every Sunday, note:
- 3 moments when you felt most aligned this week
- 3 situations that created friction
- 1 adjustment you can make the following week
The decision ritual
Before any important decision:
- Place your hand on your heart
- Take three deep breaths
- Ask yourself: “What does my innermost self truly desire?”
- Listen to the first answer that emerges
- Act accordingly
The multiplier effect of second gear
What surprised me most about this transformation was its multiplier effect. When you start living in second gear:
Your energy multiplies. You no longer need to force yourself to act in alignment.
Your creativity explodes. When you no longer waste energy pretending, everything is available for creation.
Your relationships are transformed. Authenticity attracts authenticity.
Your impact grows. You influence by example rather than effort.
Your confidence becomes natural. You no longer need to prove who you are; you live it.
The question that changes everything
If you only take one thing away from this article, let it be this question:
“If I had a guarantee that no one would judge me, what would I do differently in my life?”
Your answer contains the map to your second gear.
The 7-day challenge
For the next seven days, commit to this experience:
Day 1: Identify a habit that you do automatically and turn it into a conscious ritual.
Day 2: Say "no" to something you would have agreed to out of politeness.
Day 3: Express a genuine opinion that you would normally keep to yourself.
Day 4: Do something just because it makes you happy, without any other justification.
Day 5: Identify a relationship where you are wearing a mask and experiment with being more authentic.
Day 6: Make a decision based on intuition rather than logic.
Day 7: Note any changes you observe in your energy and satisfaction levels.
What awaits you in second gear
Second gear isn't a destination, it's a way of traveling. And this journey transforms everything:
You stop looking for your place in the world. You create it.
You stop putting up with your life. You choose it.
You stop wearing masks. Your true face becomes your most beautiful creation.
You stop pretending. And anything becomes possible.
The question isn't whether you have the right to live in second gear. The question is: do you still want to live differently?
Second gear is calling you. It's been waiting for you forever. It's that version of you that never stopped hoping you'd finally come home... home, to your own life.
If you feel the call of this transformation, my book "Where Everything Becomes Clear!" guides you step by step through this transition. From confusion to awareness, from first gear to second gear.
Kevin Thibault
Founder of Kallok's Arts and author of "Where Everything Becomes Clear!"
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